gotshoo?

When you buy a house, your name and address is sent to Lowes, Menards, Shop N’ Save, HD Kitchen Designers, every “Equity Accelerator Program”, lawn boy, Springfield Shopper, Mayor Davlin, Pottery Barn, Bed Bath & Beyond, every bank in Springfield… and Gus Gordon (Not really, but I swear I got something with his name on it).

And each piece of mail you receive is addressed as “Welcome Neighbor”,”Hi Neighbor”,”Hello Local Area Meth Dealer.” Sometimes they blatantly let you know that you are getting a special deal because you are new to the neighborhood. I’ve gotten 10% off at Lowes and Menards, coupons for 5$ bucks of groceries each week of September at Shop N’ Save (which I forgot about or didn’t buy any groceries in the month of September). Other times they pull the sneak attack. The most common one that gets me is when the mail appears to be from my bank where I have my mortgage.

I get worried that I missed a payment, or my bank account has been depleated on strippers and cheap beer by a hacker in Bulgaria. No, the tatic they use is “Sign Up Now to save up to $26,000 in interest!” with the bank’s logo attached. They even go as far as to give real numbers of your remaining balance.

When you look at the fine print: $295 enrollment fee, $5 per month transaction fee, and “This estimate of benefits may change due to adjustments in loan interest rate, monthly tax and insurance amount…”
Which is code for we buttered up this deal real sweet, we are going screw you over as soon as we raise the interest rates. Note to the wise: Always do a fixed loan, you can always refinance*. Stay away from the ARM (Adjustable Rate Mortgage).

* Do not use gotshoo.com as the basis for your personal investments, birth coaching, vehicle maintenance, or social life.